


Man, I Feel Like a (Wo)man

by gentledusk



Category: F-Zero (Video Games), F-Zero GP Legend, F-Zero: Falcon Densetsu
Genre: Bickering, Friendship, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 03:07:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14323221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentledusk/pseuds/gentledusk
Summary: Jack, being the good friend and total diva that he is, decides to give Ryu an impromptu makeover just in time for the Ladies’ Race.





	Man, I Feel Like a (Wo)man

**Author's Note:**

> Set during episode 21, The Hot-Blooded Ladies’ Battle. Basically what would’ve happened if Jack was like gender? What gender? I look fabulous, but there is no way you’re going out in THAT, Ryu, put these on instead.
> 
> As a genderfluid writer, I thought it’d be fun to rewrite a bit of this episode to incorporate a more open perspective from the characters towards clothing and gender. You can’t tell me they’d still be hung up on those kinds of things that far into the future! Especially not Jack. Have you SEEN some of the things he wore?
> 
> Can be read as pre-ship or gen.

Jack’s not as uncomfortable in this situation as his teammates might think he is. The tights and short dress combo lets him move pretty freely without even having to worry about flashing too much skin, and though he could do without the high heels, those are easily swapped out for a pair of lower ones from his locker. As for his hair...maybe he should comb his spikes down as well?

“Oi, Jack,” says Ryu, and Jack turns to see him struggling with the horrendous pink monstrosity Lucy foisted off on him. “How’d you get changed so fast?”

Jack smirks and presses a hand to his (no longer flat) chest. “Wow, is the ‘great Ryu’ finally admitting I’m better than him at something?”

Ryu scoffs. “Hell no! I bet it’s just because your outfit is way simpler than mine. Why couldn't I have gotten one like that?”

Jack puts his hands on his hips and strikes a magazine-worthy pose (he would know, he’s been in them before). “Because this outfit suits me much better than you, obviously. Now hurry up and put on your ruffle disaster before Lucy barges in here and does it for you.”

Ryu grimaces but does as he’s told. Or tries to, anyway. It seems like the outfit is still giving him some trouble. His arm is bent at an awkward angle behind his back, hand attempting to locate and jerk up the offending zipper.

“Here,” Jack says with an explosive sigh, grabbing the zipper and not-quite-yanking it up. “Do you have your extensions?”

“I had it…” Ryu mutters, prickly brows scrunched together in a disgruntled look that is truly at odds with the saccharine “splendour” of his clothes. Despite this, he holds up the extensions for Jack to see.

Jack bursts out laughing. They’re...ringlets. Ones that look more like croissants than anything else. And everyone is apparently content to just have them stuck to the sides of Ryu’s head. He knows neither of them have put any makeup on yet, but Ryu, at the moment, really looks more like a dress-up doll in a horribly clashing outfit (pink? with _Ryu’s_ hair?) than a lady out for a day at the racetrack. The way his eyebrows scrunch up some more as he stands and gets a look at himself in the mirror isn’t really helping either. With that look and attitude, he’ll stand out like a sore thumb.

Which means it’s up to Jack to save the day, obviously.

“Ok, strip,” he says.

Ryu stares at him like he’s grown a second head.

Jack crosses his arms. “Are you gonna make me come over there and do it for you?”

“No! What the hell?”

“Then start stripping, because you are _not_ going out in that,” Jack says, pointing at Ryu and wrinkling his nose. “You look ridiculous, which you always do, but you may as well look marginally less ridiculous in something you can actually stand the sight of.”

“Hey! Where do you of all people get off criticizing my fashion sense?”

Jack rolls his eyes and opens up his locker, digging around for something, _anything_ else for Ryu to wear. “You can go out in public wearing _that_ , or you can go out wearing something that doesn’t restrict your movement and blind everyone you run into. Is that your new tactic for catching Dark Million, then? Do you even feel like a woman in that?”

“No, I just feel like me in a weird outfit,” Ryu grumbles, finally capitulating and tugging his zipper down. “Don’t you?”

Jack shrugs. “Nah. It’s not my first time wearing an outfit like this, and this dress is actually pretty nice. Once I do my makeup I’ll totally be ready to kick some Dark Million ass. And your ass, while I’m at it.”

Jack sees Ryu’s eyes widen out of the corner of his eye, and he wonders suddenly if men wore dresses 150 years ago. Casting a critical eye over Ryu’s figure, he decides that Ryu will probably look better in pants anyway.

“Ok, try these on,” he says, chucking a red shirt, a cropped jacket, and a pair of dark jeans at Ryu’s head (sadly, he manages to catch them all). “And try not to damage them, I actually like these clothes.”

Ryu gives him a bemused stare.

“What, no words of gratitude? You should be thanking me! I saved you from looking like a dollhouse reject _and_ you get to wear my totally stylish clothes! It’s win-win!”

Ryu snorts but finally starts moving, struggling out of his clothes and tugging the new ones on with not much more ease. “Stylish, huh? And here I thought all you owned was blue spandex.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know that fans love my look! Why you have fans even when you walk around looking like a bargain bin, I’ll never know.”

Ryu flips the bird at him, but continues shimmying into the slim-cut jeans while Jack digs around for some sensible matching shoes. Too high, not the right colour...ah, perfect. He chucks the combat boots at Ryu too. Sadly, they don’t manage to nail him in the head.

“Oi!”

Jack flaps a hand at him. “Yeah, yeah, hurry up already. Next thing you know Jody’s gonna come in here and slap you for taking so long.”

Ryu shoots him a frown that honestly looks more like a pout as he sticks his feet into the boots. He turns away from Jack to bend his head, lacing the boots up agonizingly slowly, reaching over to swipe the jacket off the bench he’s sitting on and pulling it onto his shoulders. Finally, after much internal debate on Jack’s end on the merits of just dressing Ryu himself, he pushes up off the bench and rises to his feet. 

“Well?” Ryu asks with only a touch of sarcasm, spreading his arms wide. 

He looks better, obviously. Though it’s not like he had such great standards to compare to before. The look’s a little retro, sure, but it suits him miles better than his previous outfit. The only problem is that, despite the wardrobe upgrade, Ryu still looks like...well...Ryu.

“C’mere,” Jack says, snatching up the makeup kit Lucy dumped on them and heading over to a mirror. “It’ll be faster if I do your makeup.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m better than you at it, obviously, ten points to Jack—”

“No, I mean why’s it gonna be faster if you do it? Go do your own! I’ll do it myself!”

“Are you doubting my skills?”

“So what if I am!”

“Why, you—”

“Ladies,” Jody’s voice says suddenly, and they both jump away from each others’ throats like naughty children when their commander strides into the locker room. “Aren’t you ready to leave yet?”

Jack purses his lips. “Well, we _would_ be, if Mister ‘I-don’t-need-your-help’ over there would let me fix his hair and face.”

“There’s nothing wrong with my face!”

“There’s a lot of things wrong with your face, bristle-brush head—”

 _“Gentlemen,”_ Jody says, arms crossed and foot tapping pointedly on the floor.

Reluctantly, Jack backs down and gives Jody his full attention once more. Her eyes linger briefly on Ryu, but she makes no comment on the change in outfit, nor the fact that they’re Jack’s clothes. She must know they’re his, because she’s definitely seen Jack wearing them before, but she probably doesn’t care whose clothes they wear as long as they get the job done.

“Ryu, let Jack do your hair and makeup,” Jody says. 

Ryu opens his mouth to protest, but a sharp glare from Jody has him closing it again. Apparently satisfied, Jody turns to Jack with a faint smile.

“Jack, do it properly. Don’t mess around.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replies, flashing a cheeky wink and salute at her as she turns on her heel and strides back out the door. As soon as it swings shut behind her, Jack plops down on the nearest bench and sighs. “Ahh, what a pain. I was totally gonna make you look like a clown!” He snickers at the stink-eye Ryu sends him and continues, “Well, come on, then. I gotta make you look pretty somehow or Jody’s gonna kick my ass. And yours. Chop chop!”

“What do _you_ know about looking pretty?” Ryu asks, squinting suspiciously even as he sits down next to Jack.

“Everything, obviously. I was a pop idol, you know! Looking pretty was—and still is—my whole thing! I’ll show you my songs sometime, they’ll blow you away!”

Jack takes advantage of the momentary silence left in the wake of Ryu’s incredulous stare to study his face. Smoky eyeshadow, maybe? With...deep red lipstick? He unzips the makeup kit they’d been provided with to see what they have to work with and lets out a low whistle when he sees what’s inside. Lucy must really want to see them (or at least Ryu) all dolled up. She’d probably do their makeup herself if they let her. Which...he has nothing against per se, but. Is her aim to see Ryu prettified, or looking ridiculous? No offence, Lucy, but pink monstrosity. _Croissant hair._ Why.

“Hold still,” says Jack, brandishing a makeup brush at Ryu’s face, jabbing it closer when he recoils. “Otherwise, you really are gonna end up looking like a clown. More than you already do.”

“Shut up,” grumbles Ryu, but he holds still begrudgingly as Jack gets to work.

With those gigantic bushy eyebrows of his, it’ll look like Ryu no matter what magic Jack works on his face, bar plucking them into submission. Regardless, Ryu’s new look is finally coming together. Well, except for…

“Can’t you do something about your hair?”

“What’s wrong with my hair?!”

Jack wrinkles his nose. “It still looks like...you.”

Ryu sends Jack’s own spikes an accusatory glare.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna fix mine after I finish beautifying your sorry ass,” he says. He knocks the croissant tails off the bench for good measure.

“Oi! What are you, five?”

“No moving! And you’re gonna be the one who looks five if you wear those things on your head!”

“What if Lucy needs them back?”

“No one should have them in the first place, they’re a crime against humanity. Just flatten your hair or something.” He reaches a hand out, but Ryu knocks it away and ruffles his own hair with a mutinous scowl.

He looks...different, to be sure. Less rough around the edges and more like he’s ready for a night out on the town. Or a day out on the racetrack, to be more precise. Though it’s obviously only because Jack had a hand in his transformation. 

“Voilà!” Jack cries, sweeping an arm out as Ryu gets up and immediately makes a beeline towards a mirror. “Pretty good, huh? No need to thank me!”

Ryu is silent for a few long moments, long enough that Jack ambles up behind him to see what’s gotten into him. He finds Ryu blinking owlishly at his own reflection, one hand coming up to lay hesitant fingers on his face.

“What? Struck speechless by my skills?”

“It looks...nice,” Ryu says, as if he can’t quite believe it himself. He lets his hand fall to his side, tilting his head this way and that. And then he turns and honest-to-god _smiles_ at Jack. “Thank you.”

Jack is so busy being floored by the lack of snappy response that he doesn’t even realize someone has entered the room until he hears them speak.

“Hey, boys, the Commander sent me in here to see if—um—” and there Lucy cuts herself off with a squeak. “W-Wait, Ryu, what happened to the clothes I gave you?”

Ryu jerks his head at Jack—apparently that’s explanation enough in his books. Judging by Lucy’s puzzled but vaguely suspicious look, however, it isn’t explanation enough. 

“Jack happened,” Ryu mutters, crossing his arms and shooting Jack a dark look. 

Jack just flashes him an evil grin back. “Can I help it if my clothes look so much better on you?” he says with an unrepentant shrug. He’s 99% sure Ryu mutters something about being able to help being an ass, but he magnanimously chooses to ignore it. He’s also 99% sure Lucy is now blushing, though what about, he’s not sure. It’s probably about Ryu. It usually is.

“Hey, do I really have to wear a bra under this thing?”

He’s tempted to say yes just for the hell of it, but… “Nah.”

Ryu squints at his padded chest.

“Hey! No ogling a lady!”

Ryu raises one (still bushy) eyebrow and gives him an unimpressed stare.

“I’m wearing it to complement my kickass figure, obviously! If you don’t need it, then just take it off!”

Ryu glances at Jack’s chest again, then at the mirror, then finally sighs and starts to shrug off his jacket and lift up the hem of his shirt.

“Hey!” Lucy shrieks, backpedalling out of the room like Black Shadow’s on her heels. “Have some decency! Don’t just strip in front of a lady!”

“But we’re all ladies here!” Jack calls after her, cackling at the sound of her rapidly retreating footsteps.

Ryu gives the door a bemused look, but continues the process of removing the padded bra from his body. Jack ignores him and settles down to fix his own makeup and hair. They lapse into a companionable silence, Ryu tugging his shirt down and pulling his jacket back on while Jack works on his face, wondering idly if he can convince the others to let him keep this makeup kit after the mission is done. It’s only when he’s just about done putting the finishing touches on that Ryu speaks up again.

“Hey, Jack.”

“What?”

“Do _you_ feel like a woman in that?” he asks, waving a hand in Jack’s general direction.

Jack ponders this. Shrugs. “Yeah, I guess,” he says, gesturing at his outfit, “but it’s not all about this, ya know? We’re going to the Ladies’ Race, so a lady is what I’ll be. Even if I was dressed in some horror from your closet—”

“Hey!”

“—I know I’d still be the most fabulous lady there. That’s all there is to it.”

Instead of making a disparaging comment, Ryu just tilts his head and studies Jack’s face. Jack puts up with it for a few moments, staring back at Ryu as he processes...well, whatever it is that’s going on in that incomprehensible brain of his right now. Jack was never one to stay silent for very long, though, and after a few more moments of getting stared at he puts one hand on his hip and leans forward, blowing a kiss at his observer. Ryu starts, shaking his head like a dog shaking off water as Jack cackles at his reaction. 

“Can’t take your eyes off me?” he taunts. “Don’t worry, loads of fans have the same problem!”

Ryu, being the totally unappreciative bastard that he is, just snorts and heads for the door. “Maybe they just can’t look away from the human train wreck that you are. Come on, drama queen. Jody’s waiting.”

~

Both of them get double takes when they step out to meet the rest of the Platoon, though Jack suspects Ryu gets a lot more looks, being all dolled up like he normally would never be. What’s more entertaining is the fact that Ryu is _blushing_ of all things, the red in his cheeks faint but clearly there as he squirms under the sudden scrutiny.

“You look good, Ryu, Jack,” says the Doctor, offering them both an encouraging smile.

Lucy nods vigorously in agreement, though he eyes remain fixed solely on Ryu. Really, her crush on him is so obvious he’s surprised Ryu doesn’t see it, though given how knuckleheaded Ryu is in general (and how hung up he is on his past girlfriend), perhaps it’s not so surprising after all.

“You look very pretty, Ryu,” Lucy says with a shy smile.

“Fierce, even,” Jack adds, because there’s no way he’s going to pass up an opportunity to see Ryu knocked off-balance. And it _is_ true, he supposes. Or it would be if Ryu were carrying himself more like a race queen and less like a teen at their first dance. Who knew all it took to bring out a bashful side to him was a change in outfit?

“Thanks, I think,” Ryu mutters, eyes darting towards the ground. Despite this, a small smile starts to spread across his face, cheeks still dusted a pale pink as he rubs at the back of his neck.

The only one who shows no signs of surprise at all is Jody, but that’s to be expected given how well she knows him. He could probably waltz into HQ in a bright yellow bikini and get only a raised eyebrow and a pointed comment about not distracting coworkers in response. Not that he’d do that, obviously. Even his showiness has its limits, no matter what the others might think.

“Good work, Jack,” is all she says, giving both of them a smile and a nod.

Score one for ol’ Jack. Ryu doesn’t even protest the lack of credit, which is just the icing on the cake.

“All right!” Jack cheers. He slings an arm around Ryu’s shoulders, holding his fingers up in a “V”. “Galaxy Mobile Angels, ready to go! The racetrack won’t know what hit it!”

Jody just sighs. Lucy presses a hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle. Ryu presses a hand to his forehead and mutters something about Jack being no angel. Jack laughs, bright and loud, and uses the arm around Ryu’s shoulders to steer him towards the garage.

Today’s gonna be a fun day. He can feel it.


End file.
